Drunkorexia: It Exists

An issue that’s close to my chest and one that I’ve lived through. Mamamia published a really interesting article yesterday focusing on “Drunkorexia”. Women who are skipping meals in order to ingest more calories through drinking.

This. Was. Me. To a degree anyway.

When I was 18 I was going to Weight Watchers and conscious of every calorie or “point” I was consuming. So I wouldn’t eat anything before drinking and would replace those food allocated “points” with booze. Smart? No. Did I remain small? Too be honest, yes.

At the ages of 19-20 I was a little bit weight obsessed. Having a naturally more solid frame than my girlfriends made it hard for me and I often felt too big, too bloated, too chubby. In actual fact, looking back, I was perfect.

So, in order to be at what I believed was my optimum best for the weekend and to ensure I could pour myself into a short and tight dress without looking obese, I had a three day plan that made me look and feel my best.

Thirsty Thursday would kickstart it. I would stop drinking so much water on a Thursday to ensure there would be minimum fluid retention. Fasting Friday would be determined by whether I was going out that evening. If I wasn’t, I’d eat one meal (lunch) but if I was, I wouldn’t touch food in order to make sure my stomach didn’t bulge.

Starvation Saturday came next. No food. At all. One glass of water. Then alcohol. Lots of it. Sunday didn’t have a name, but it was spent hungover as anything due to my Saturday night antics. Generally one fast food meal would be consumed at 3pm, because I was always too hungover to eat before then. Rinse and repeat every week for a year. Stupid huh?!

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a regret. I try not to have those. But, let me tell you, it was down right stupid! No wonder when I began to eat like a normal person again, I started to gain weight quickly. I had effectively turned my body into a starved shell, ready to store food and fat supplies, all because I wanted to look skinny when I went out.

I’ve thought long and hard about this saga. About the girl who looked at herself all dolled up and cried because she thought she was fat. About the girl who thought she wasn’t worth anything unless she was small. About the woman who that girl has become, who would give anything to healthily look like the girl she used to be.

This has been a life lesson and a learning curve. I acknowledge that at the time, there was some form of “Drunkorexia” or eating disorder happening and I’m lucky it didn’t manifest into something far worse. I’ve since opted to commit myself to weight loss in a healthy way, rather than resort to the same old bad habits that abused and confused my body. I wear my stretch marks like battle scars. These are reminders of my past and present and will hopefully help shape my future.